BEDA 9: Resumes

Holy hell I hate resumes.
I hate resumes and I hate interviews. I hate having to be a cheerleader for myself. I hate having to pluck achievements from my past so I can twist them and build them up so they sound important. I am far too egotistical to condense myself down to one finely-tuned sheet of paper and say "Here, this is me. This is everything you need to know."

That said, I took a trip up to the writing center on campus today and my resume looks pretty good. I used to have an awful resume, then I had a bad resume, now I have an alright resume.
That kind of makes me hate myself, but I think this is one of those small compromises you have to make in life. I don't want to be the kind of guy who is proud of his resume, but I am.
That said... anyone wanna hire me?